Which Comes First in Romantic Relationship: Friendship or Courtship?

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Which comes first as an effective strategy to establish romantic ties with the person that one loves?

The guy must first befriend the girl and then court her after she has shown enough trust to him? Or the guy must first directly court the girl and when she accepts the proposal, he could start establishing trust and friendship with her?

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This can create a dilemma. If the guy uses the first approach of befriending the girl first before courting her, the latter might think that he is taking advantage of the friendship.

But if the guy directly courts the girl without first knowing and befriending her, the latter would think that the former is more interested with sex or playing “fresh” as he doesn’t bother to befriend her first to know her more in the personal level. Friendship is an important foundation of a mature romantic love.

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It can happen that a great friendship between a man and a woman is destroyed because one of the partners put romantic meaning into their relationship. But it can also happen in the opposite direction–that a genuine friendship between two people can blossom into a romantic relationship. There is really no assurance or sure formula which one should a person begin in the process of courtship if women do not show signs of nonverbal signs that they want to be courted by men. Thus, one wonders how romance could be established: A man must first Initiate friendship with the other and then proceed to courtship, or he must first directly proceed to courtship and then develop a friendship with the other after a romantic relationship is established.

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If one is beginning to feel the tingle of attraction in a platonic friendship, how should he or she explore the possibility that his or her romantic feelings with the other might be reciprocated? After all, a relationship of compatibility and trust can serve as a strong foundation for romance.  But how does one partner make a move to express his or her romantic feelings to the other without sinking the friendship?

To decide which approach a guy will pursue to woo a girl is not easy. It depends on different social and cultural factors. He must first do some background check in order to know the preference of the girl, whether she prefers courtship or friendship first, and thus avoid missteps and win the girl he loves.

The Story of Best Friends Who Became Lovers

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Read the amazing story of Ravi and Anju. They were first best friends since childhood. But later on they became lovers:

“We are at the Coffee Shop sitting opposite to each other, it is like any other day but still it is special, moreover it is different and a bit awkward. I and Ravi have been best friends since we were in fifth grade. We two never felt the need of anyone else, rather no one felt comfortable enough when we were together. We always had our secret jokes and we preferred to keep them secret. Because some jokes when explained loses its essence. It’s roughly been 8 years of our friendship and we realized that we always come back to each other even though we were dating others. Probably because I know that no one understands me better than Ravi, perhaps he feels the same…

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And we decided to go on a date the next day. And first time in my life was I concerned on how I look, how I dress up while I am going out with Ravi. And yes the funny part is I wore makeup, I dabbed my sister’s red lipstick, applied some mascara, blushed my cheeks in a pink shade. I was uneasy but that’s what dates are, present yourself in a way you are not. I wore my sister’s black short lace dress with 3/4 sleeves and wore my red pumps (yes I only wear them on parties and dates). When I reached, he was already there (he usually is late) and that was the first reminder, that we are on a date. He stood up to greet me, and I caught the surprise in his eyes. He was surprised to see me in a short dress and makeup, probably because I always wear jeans and no makeup. I smiled and sat down, yes I now realize I overdid things, it was just another day, but he too wore a leather jacket, which seems brand new. And I could feel the nervousness in his air, maybe a reflection of what I am feeling. We ordered our cappuccinos and two grilled chicken sandwiches, our favorite meal. I wonder if I have to eat with a fork, but I prefer eating a sandwich with my hands. We sat quietly, he was intently looking at me, observing me, I was absorbed in his gaze, and I felt hesitant. My shoulders shrunk, and I hoped that the ground would absorb me, I felt like a fool to dress up like a bimbo, hmph.

He finally said, “You looking very pretty, how come I haven’t seen you like this before?” 

“It’s Pari’s dress, and I am wearing a makeup” and it feels disgusting
“Yeah I can see that, and it looks lovely, you look like a glam girl”

“yeah right, would you stop teasing me? I know I look weird, I shouldn’t have tried this.”

And he suddenly held my hand and said “You look lovely Anju, I feel like a douche to not have seen your beauty before, I have always loved you as a best friend, lately I felt much more than friendship, so I talked you into this date proposal, and I am flushed by your beauty, why do you hide it?”

“I don’t hide it, it’s just not me”

“It is you, the dress isn’t yours but can be yours, every girl wears makeup, so it is you, and there is no harm in glamorizing yourself”

“I feel spurious”

“You aren’t fake, you are the same girl I had always liked to be with”

And suddenly I went silent and recalled our conversation in my head, and boom! He confessed he is feeling more than friendship for me lately…

I could only flush crimson, and I was short of words, what I instead did was hold his hand in confirmation to what he has just said. And he punched my left arm by his right arm hinting we still would be best friends apart from being lovers, and we laughed.

To have a best friend and a lover is great, but to have that one person as a best friend and a lover is amazing” (Mudhesh, 22April, 2014).

Photo credit: Pixabay.com, Pexels.com

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References

Patrick, W (30 July 2017). From Friendship to Courtship: How Friends Fall in Love. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/why-bad-looks-good/201707/friendship-courtship-how-friends-fall-in-love.

Mudhesh, F. (22 April 2014). Short story – From Best Friends To Lovers. Retrieved from https://helpalittle.wordpress.com/2014/04/22/short-story-from-best-friends-to-lovers/

 

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